Keep Smiling and Shining!! :)

 There were many things that happened  in my life. I remembered every details of it. I remembered people who made smile, cry, stand, afraid, worried, mad, everything. I was a tough one. I cared about people, but I didn't care about what they had done in my life. I was heartless. Why was I like this? Because I didn't want to expect too much. I had pretty much experiences that made me sad. Somehow, when I started hoping, all of those just sudden disappeared. I was not that lucky to have every cute and lovely things. But I grew. I kept going and standing up. I was still childish, and I hope I could be a grown up. I never looked back, and I wanted to live my own dependence. One day, later.

  Everything that happened in your life was to molded you in a special way. God wanted you to be what he wanted you to be. He could do things miraculously and just kept doing many things that you may not forgot. He loved you very much. Even though you had hurt him for many things, He still came to you. He still awarded grace, the lovely Son, Jesus to wipe out your sins. It's not an easy thing to be like the way I am now. I struggled a lot. I am still changing, and trying to do one thing, the always hardest thing to do in my life, BEING PATIENT.

  Yesterday, I was very down. I cried loudly in my lonely room. I shouted, with no one hearing my loud voice in this lonely house. That was why I didn't like to be alone. I tended to had bad things happening when I was alone. I tended to think and remembering painful memories. I hated that. I wanna enjoy my life. I hated remembering all of those. But I couldn't control my head. My thinking. I was painful enough to remember all of those. I was so sorry for that. I kept hoping that one day, I could just forgot every bad things that happened. I didn't hate them, I just hated what they did to me. Someday, I hope that they would say sorry to me. But I was not that loud. I kept running, hiding, and I was not brave enough to win. I was alone. And sick.

  Dear boys, don't ever did what they did to me. I was very traumatic because of that. I needed a person who loved me, who cared for me, who never said words that made down, who never hit me, who never shouted at me. I needed that gentleness people. I was very down and tired. But I kept waiting, I did not want to get lost and did bad things because it would not help anything. I wanted to grow, to be a strong one, also one day, I still hope that I would be a mom, a mom that had many things to tell to my kids. A grandma that loved my grand children. Of course, not only I wanted all of them smiled, but also be proud of their strong Mama or Mak. 

  Don't ever look back. Realize all of your blessings. When there is a rain, there must be a rainbow. Everything would be beautiful in His time, not ours. Just try to do what I try to do everyday, BE PATIENT.<3

-a mysterious one